THINGS THAT CAN DESTROY RELATIONSHIPS
C. JUDGEMENTALISM
There is another aspect that can destroy relationship, and that is judgementalism.
James 2:4 ‘…have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?’
Judgementalism is to have a tendency to judge harshly. I was a victim of this myself. As a young man, I was carrying a great weight of responsibility. It necessitated many meetings with many people and the making of quick, accurate decisions. Over time I developed this and when people walked into my office and I would take one look at them and already make my decision before even hearing them out. It was born out of necessity, but it was very destructive, and I had to repent of it. I remember my late father preaching a sermon entitled: ‘STOP JUDGING ONE ANOTHER!’ Perhaps we need to hear a message like that again. It is after-all what Jesus tells us to do. The Lord Jesus was extremely practical in His advice to us.
In Matthew 7:1 Jesus commanded us not to judge others: ‘Do not judge others!’
Judging others always boomerangs onto us.
Matthew 7:1 ‘Do not judge others, and you will not be judged.’
Matthew 5:7 ‘Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.’
God would never tell us to do something we cannot do!
BE MORE HUMAN
This is the challenge to each one of us in the area of relationships. The question is what are we to do? I would like to suggest that we ‘be more human!’ What does it mean to be more human? I think Jesus spoke into this aspect.
Matthew 7:12 ‘Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.’
This is what we are designed and instructed to do. I believe the most human people will be the best people. I believe the most human companies will be the best companies. I believe the most human churches will be the most effective churches. I believe if we could be more human, it would change the whole atmosphere of our lives. You see, I believe kindness is good for us. I once discussed this matter with a qualified professional who has looked into this subject. She shared with me the following:
- Scientific evidence has proven that kindness changes the brain and impacts the heart and immune system and may even be an antidote to depression.
- We are actually genetically wired to be kind.
- When we are kind, our bodies are healthiest.
- Love and kindness can make a damaged heart regenerate faster and can even extend lifespan.
- That kindness and compassion stimulate the nervous system to combat inflammation, the underlying source of most diseases, including cancer.
And lastly: - Gratitude can make you at least 25% happier.
You see, you are wired to be kind.
James 2:13 ‘Mercy triumphs over judgment.’
We should begin to move in mercy, kindness and ‘being more human’. Mercy brings with it more rewards than judgement. Let’s ask ourselves what Jesus would do, and then let us do it and follow His example.
HIDDEN TREASURES
Mercy triumphs over judgement! You see, it is within relationships that we will discover hidden treasures. We discover that it may not be as it seems and under all the issues and challenges within relationships there are great treasures to be discovered.
James 2:5 ‘Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith…’
Here we see the hidden treasure. The poor (in the eyes of the world) are rich in faith. There is a hidden treasure within each and every human being, that includes the ones you like and the ones you don’t like. As I mentioned at the beginning, I have had the joy of being able to maintain life-long relationships. In this, I have discovered that at the most needed time, the most unlikely people have become the very treasure I needed to be able to get through what I was facing. You see, the hidden treasure in others, may not be revealed until the moment you need it in your life. This is all dependent on your staying in relationship with those you come in contact with. Life is all about relationships. Let us do what the Apostle James told us to do. Value relationships with all others, don’t show favouritism, don’t discriminate, don’t judge, but rather show mercy and discover the hidden treasure God has placed in each person, regardless of their personality, wealth or position.
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